Disappointment

Not on a huge scale or anything but I didn’t get the job I applied for. I got an interview but they didn’t pick me. It’s disappointing but obviously not the end of the world.

It’s been a hectic week with seriously mixed results. I can’t make my mind stop spinning. I visited my sister and all her home schooled kids in Minneapolis. It was Lily’s first airplane ride. We flew standby, though, which means we got a huge discount at the risk of not making a flight, which we did not on the way home. And that when everything started sucking.

I had to entertain Lily in an airport for 4 hours knowing I had an interview I could be preparing for. Not that it would’ve done me any good. I don’t know, though. Perhaps if I’d have had more time to prepare, I would’ve gotten the job.

There was a big scare regarding getting Lily into the right school this year that couldn’t be resolved until the last minute so that had me on pins and needles as well. It got resolved today, which was another relief.

I’m worried about my only dear friend in real life who reads this blog and she didn’t call me back today. My boss, who was on my interview panel and possibly didn’t vote to hire me is asking for something I’m not sure how to do. I have been paired with a mentor which might work out to be something but it’s a little stressful because I don’t know what to expect. Lily’s birthday is in a month and I couldn’t get Scrapblog to cooperate tonight to start ordering the photo albums. They’re not all done but a couple are so I was hoping to get some printing started.

and in case you’re wondering, I know what a crazy fuss pot I sound like. I know. You don’t have to tell me.

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Ambition and Debauchery

So, people, somebody’s about to get ambitious up in here. It’s been a year since I’ve been in my new job, and even longer since I’ve had to interview for something,. I’m getting a big head and probably more than a little over confident, which is a good sign that I need to move somewhere more challenging. Working with people who are smarter and more experienced than I am keeps me on my toes.

I like feeling like I have to work to keep up. If I start feeling like I do now,which is almost completely uninspired, I stop trying so hard and the stinky stagnant sets in. I can literally feel myself weighing how far my reputation will take me while surfing the internet when I should be working on some boring project. I didn’t used to let myself drift that far but I’m catching myself more and more lately.

So I’m gonna apply for a position that will be a nice promotion and a good bit more responsibility. And respect…I hope. Though I feel pretty respected by my peers, I’m not so sure about the bosses. Mostly because I’m not getting paid near as much as most of the people I work with. They’ve all been there forever; I have significantly less experience. But with years of service comes years and years of growing complacency. And that’s where my opportunity comes in.

***

Also, DMH and I went to the lake with 3 couples and a single this weekend and had the best time. We did an obscene amount of swimming, relaxing, laughing, drinking, peeing, singing, some-things-that-shall-not-be-named, and just generally whatever the fuck we wanted for almost three straight days. No children. No responsibilities. No false niceties. Just rude, obnoxious, funny-as-all-get-out friends we’ve known for 20 something years (holy shit we’re old).

Here’s my “best stuff to do on a drunken weekend at the lake with friends you’ve known forever” list:

  • Best way to float in the water: legs stuck through an upside-down life jacket, zipped up front. Total water chair for drunk adults.
  • Best, most least discussed part of getting drunk in the lake: Unabashed peeing.
  • Best place to float: underneath the boat between the pontoons like some sort of secret, underwater club.
  • Best thing to cook after fajita night if you don’t want to take home left-overs: everything nachos (and I mean everything – beans, chicken, steak, turkey sandwich meat, rice, hallucinogens, guacamole, sour cream, you name it)
  • Best time to canoe: almost midnight
  • Best time to skinny dip: not while your friends are having drunk sex by the moonlight

And my personal favorite:

  • Best sign along the way: “Road Unsafe When Under Water”
Did I mention we were in Arkansas?

 

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Choices

In a meeting yesterday, one of my peers was describing a request our department received for training and when our manager said she didn’t think it was training they needed, my peer expressed relief with a and-i-did-the-happy-dance under her breath. But, I’m wondering, why would she express relief in that way? Training is her job, not just her job, but her career. She’s been in this department for something like 10 years – in this line of work for something like 20. Is she so tired of it that she’s relieved every time she’s told she doesn’t have to do it? What would she rather be doing all day, if not training? Has she always felt reluctant to develop training? If so, why does she choose to get up every day and come back here…if not for the paycheck?

On a similar note, I was reading a blog post by a friend recently where she was questioning people’s choices and society’s reaction to those choices. She described a scenario where 2 women made different life choices – one got married, had children, got divorced, is now being empathized with and supported by her friends and family – the other chose not to get married or have kids but instead get a degree and a well paying job, thus not garnering sympathy from said friends and family. There was obviously some bitterness there and I think she was talking about her sister, but my point is she was acting like these were all well thought out choices and my first thought was that she’s assuming falling in love is a choice. Talking to my father-in-law recently about peoples relationship choices, he said, quite wisely I think, that you can’t help who you fall in love with. How true is that? Really? Do you think that’s true?

Back to my coworker – does everyone really have the ability to choose their career? I don’t necessarily think so. Some people get to a point in their life where they need to support themselves or their family, so they find the best thing available to them. I know that’s what I did. But you can choose whether you like it or not. I truly believe that. If you don’t feel you can find another source of income, then you find a way to enjoy what you’re doing…or you don’t.

I have sympathy for those who don’t choose the happier option.

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Not Exactly Scrapbooking…

…but pretty much.

I’ve been working on a scrapblog photo album for Lily since she was born. The initial idea was to do one for her first year of life, but I didn’t finish in time for her birthday. So I thought, I’ll do 2 years for her 2nd birthday but then I ran out of time again. This last minute time crunch has been happening for the past 5 years and it has always ended in failure. So, what do I do? I try again, because I’m no quitter…and I’m highly motivated by guilt.

Her 5th birthday is in 2 months and I plan to have 5 photo albums printed into books for her, come hell or high water. I think she’ll love them and I’m pretty determined to get them done this time. Which is why it’s after midnight and I just finished her 5th year. I’ll show you the others at a later date.

 

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Things I Should Be Doing Right Now

Feeding my daughter some breakfast. I will say, though, if she would’ve eaten the eggs and hash browns that I fixed from scratch, she wouldn’t be hungry right now. I should also be checking on her while she fixes her own cheese sandwich. Update: she just came and showed me her creation. She chose shredded mozzarella instead of the American slices, of course.

Folding the clothes in the dryer so I can put the new load in when it’s done. I have a stackable washer/dryer combo and you can only wash or dry, not both at the same time. We did not realize this until it was purchased, picked up and completely installed in our house. Also, we built cabinets to fit around a stackable so we kind of screwed ourselves from the getgo.

Going to the grocery store for toilet paper. We literally have no paper products in the house that will work as a substitute for toilet paper. Yet, here I am, sitting on my laptop in my pajamas at 11:41 on a Sunday morning…drinking coffee…not buying toilet paper.

Calling my sister to explain why I probably won’t be visiting this summer.

Calling my friend to ask if she needs anything after being broken into while out of town. According to Facebook, she’s okay but if I were a better friend, I’d be on the phone with her right now. When she sees this, though, she’ll see that she’s not the only thing I’m procrastinating about, and perhaps she won’t be too upset.

Organizing photos on my scrapblog so I’ll have 4 complete albums for Lily’s 5th birthday.

Making the beds.

Painting my toenails.

Playing Hello Kitty Bingo with the kid.

Picking blueberries, then making a pie.

Reading Geek Love for my book club, though that book is over 10 years past its prime, I’m sure it will be a fine read…if I would just get started.

Sometimes just thinking about all the things I could be doing almost makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. I actually feel better. Still not doing anything, but don’t feel so bad about it. I think I’ll go stumble some more until someone forces me into action.

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