On Lightness and Being

Side note: I don’t know why I have any other categories than “life”. Everything fits pretty well under that heading – why bother being so specific? It’s not like anyone is searching the archives. Does anyone actually read a blog that way? I guess I could be surprised by the answer to that.

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David got into some weird altercation with his father today. It was over something too trivial to describe here, so its particularly bothersome to me. Why would his father get short with him for anything so insignificant after what he’s been through? Meaning that he’s the father to a dead baby girl and all, but I could also be talking about his whole childhood. It makes me so angry, especially after having children of my own, how someone could be such a shitty, non-parent. What a selfish, immature bastard to not be there for your child, physically or emotionally. And he’s still treating him like shit. To be fair, I guess you could say that he’s trying to make up for the past by being a good grandparent and FIL, but that doesn’t explain his strange behavior today.

And we’re supposed to be planning a trip with them this summer. Makes me wonder why we’re thinking about doing that. For Lily.

But really I wonder how long I can remain incredulous about when people don’t cater to us because we’ve been through so much already. I doubt
David experiences it as much as I do, but I’m constantly noticing people bending over backwards at work to make sure I’m okay or I don’t get my feelings hurt any more than they already have been.

How long should I expect people to treat me so gently? I’m not ready for them to quit just yet. I’m not ready for any more harsh just yet. I’m tired of being sad. I haven’t been sad for a couple weeks now and it feels good.

I don’t want to go back to feeling so heavy again. It takes a lot of energy to feel that way. Spring has made me feel so light and I have so much more energy. It’s definitely a physical thing, this lightness of being. What’s so unbearable about that?

Musing Late at Night

Is it just me or does it seem like Saturday Night Live is funny again? I mean, I’ve never gone through a real long phase where I didn’t love SNL but its been really funny lately. And sometimes caustically so, which is often a relief that someone has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking. Specifically, who the cuss’s parents would have them tightrope walking over lions at 3 years old?? And why haven’t they been arrested for child endangerment or something? Seriously? WTF.

I think it’s the timing – both in the telling of the joke as well as the writing. The skits seem to hark back to the early days, the ones I never watched live, only recorded. Remember the shark knocking on the door perpetrating a pizza delivery guy? That’s the type of humor in the same vein as the bear in the hip hop kids in the cave. And the straight guy made the joke every single time.

…What are the odds we’ll see an actual bear in here?

Probable! Totally Probable!…

…Why is that bear so angry?

Because of our BEHAVIOR!…

Anyway, I just get all excited about social memes. There’s something intimate and connected about so many people at one time coming together and talking about how we’re all noticing the same cuss. It’s funny because it’s true and what a relief that we’re not alone, no?

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Here’s a quick peak into my world…

I originally posted this entry from my husbands HTC Hero (I’m editing on the computer) and the smart type thing just blew up at my typing on a touch screen. I have a BlackBerry with a keyboard, which is small but tangible. I was reminded of a story in my office lately about the funny way one of my coworkers signed an email to our VP, thanks to spell check. A peculiarly similar guy to George from Seinfeld guy – he meant to sign his email, Sorry for the inconvenience. Except, he misspelled a word, and Spellcheck corrected it to be, Sorry for the incontinence. Ha! Like, Sorry I popped in your email!

Ahh…corporate humor.

What To Do

I’m not really sure what to do with my blog these days. It feels weird to suddenly go back to writing about “normal” things again but I don’t know why, exactly. Things aren’t the same normal as before but they’re normal now, so what’s wrong with writing about them? I mean, we do normal stuff all the time now. We go grocery shopping, go to work, play at the park, ride bikes, hike not as much as we should, go to birthday parties, take baths, make dinner, watch movies…all pretty normal stuff. Things I would have written about before without a second thought. Now, though, it seems like that type of thing doesn’t qualify anymore. Like too many earth shattering events have been scattered throughout these pages, normalcy no longer belongs.

Anyway, I don’t know. I guess I’m taking a break. I have something else in mind, though. I might link to it someday. For now, I guess I’ll try it out. Don’t worry, I’ll still find my way home when I have more intimate details to share. But for now, I just don’t feel like reflecting on my emotions too deeply. And that doesn’t exactly fit with the name of my blog now, does it?