The predominate random thought is regarding the massive amount of money I received from coworkers today. More than coworkers; presidents, CEOs, CFOs, VPs and many, many others donated money to me and my cause. This ridiculous amount has caused me to pause for more than a moment and think about people, humanity, the general good nature of man. I’m overwhelmed, beside myself, humbled, speechless. I have no idea how I will convey my appreciation for such generosity and kindness.
When I asked David how I could possibly thank these people, he said I apparently already have. Which is why they were so kind to begin with. That makes me feel unbelievably grateful, but I have no idea what I’ve done. I do believe it has more to do with the nature of motherhood and how such a loss is so visceral and palpable to those who’ve had children that it’s all they could do at hearing of my tragedy. For that, I am encouraged.
Other random thoughts:
Two or more glasses of wine makes me just numb enough to feel light again. I was afraid at first that it would hurt to feel so free. It’s been awhile and I’m not hurting.
Olivia’s ashes have found a home on our bookshelf and I’m not in as much as a hurry as I thought I’d be to remove them. I enjoy her in our home. She belongs here as the rest of us do. However, I believe we will plant a tree for her and place her underneath for nourishment. We will have a stone engraved with her beautiful name.
I have not written in several days because I’ve been warned not to wallow. It’s hard. I must work to keep myself from that sorrowful place. I will continue to work for my baby girl, Lily, and my husband.