Good Grief

I don’t really understand how I can be in such a good mood all day and the moment I get home I’m irritable and tired. It feels like it must be in my head because it doesn’t make sense. Maybe I’m expending all my energy fooling myself into feeling normal, like I’m not living this life of shock and loss so that when I don’t have to pretend anymore I come crashing unexpectedly down. I hate that. How can I just stabilize these emotions somehow?
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  1. #1 by Madeline on January 27, 2010 - 7:26 pm

    That’s one of the things that has really surprised me about grief – how quickly I can swing from OK to bad or the other way. Before this, I would’ve assumed it would be good days and bad days but it’s really not like that at all. Good hours and bad hours sometimes and good minutes and bad minutes other times.

    The only time I’ve tried to hold it together and act normal for a few hours has resulted in a massive crash afterwards.

  2. #2 by livemotionally on January 29, 2010 - 9:24 am

    That’s the truth…apparently grief has no concept of time. If it did, maybe I could schedule it into my day better!

    The crashes do get less intense, I should say. At first, it was really bad and now I just get this cloud over everything I do, rather than a fucking downpour. If that makes sense…and gives you the motivation to keep trying to feel okay because it’s not always going to followed by sadness.

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