Bring It

It’s been quite a day. Quite a week, really. I’m actually looking forward to going to work in the morning and just…working. There have been so many distractions lately that I feel all out of focus. Focus feels good sometimes. It makes me feel in control. Something I have much too little of.

My day started simply enough. Today was screening day for the Pre-K program I want to get Lily enrolled in to help her get used to the idea of going to Kindergarten next year without completely flipping out.

Having spent her entire life going to lunch with her grandmother and playing in the backyard with her father, a classroom is not something with which she has any experience, nor any desire. 

I know Pre-K is for under privilaged kids, and while I wouldn’t exactly call us under privilaged, we do need help. Lily doesn’t go to daycare because it would be too hard for us to afford. David could get a job, but he’s an artist trying to create and if he can do that and keep Lily at the same time, I’ll take that any day.

Lily has learned many useful things from him. It just so happens that one of those things is not how to be a social butterfly, which was painfully obvious at the screening today.

She would not speak. Not one word.

She pointed out all the right colors of balls, but wouldn’t say her name. She refused to count the blocks, but she did line them up and point at them as though she were counting in her head, which I’m sure she was doing because she can count. To ONE HUNDRED. Not today. She also drew a very nice circle, but she wouldn’t say how old she was or identify any of the animals on cards. Not one. The only way she would even stay near the lady doing the screening was if she was sitting in my lap. And as sweet as that is, I just don’t get it.

I’m not shy. I get nervous around certain people on occasion, sure, but it’s not shyness, it’s more like self-consciousness. I don’t know how to treat shyness. I don’t even know if it’s something to be treated. Will school just cure her of it naturally? Or will she grow up to be exactly like her father and hopefully marry someone to compensate for her lack of social skills?

I don’t have the answers to these questions but I know I’m going to need to learn how to chill the mess out before I screw her up even more. (See that? What do I mean by “even more?” I am not meant to be the mother of a fly on the wall. I love them, but I sure as shit don’t understand them).

While the screening was going on, the car we just bought in October (in preparation for the new baby) started running rough. Lucky for me, David’s knowledgeable about this sort of thing, so he was on it, but it’s still one of the least pleasant things to have to deal with. I left work early to work from home the rest of the afternoon (yeah, right) while he drove across the city to like 5 auto zone type affairs looking for precious new parts.

The VW Passat is a beautiful car. It does not have easily located, nor cheap, parts. We knew this going in. We did not know it would start so soon. Although maybe we should’ve been a little more realistic. It’s not a “new” car; it’s just new to us.

Around 5pm things started looking up, and not because it was “5 o’clock somewhere” but because Dave came home with the required parts, Lily was up from a nap and we were headed to basketball practice with her favorite cousin, Sawyer. The grandparents even came tonight to marvel at the adorableness that is 3 year old basketball. But remember what I said earlier about the shyness? It takes at least the first half of an hour long practice to do anything without my hand firmly placed inside hers or her arms firmly wrapped around my leg. But for the last 15 precious minutes she didn’t even need me out on the court with her. I was so proud!

Afterwards we took her and her cousin to eat and play and she actually ate and actually played and actually stopped playing the first time I asked without whining once. Not once! I was again, such a proud mama. She even went to bed pretty easy tonight. Last night the monsters kept her up from 10 to midnight.

But now that the house is back in order (relatively), the girl is asleep, the husband feels useful and accomplished, I’m happy and settled again. Ready for another day. C’mon days, bring it on. I can take it.

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  1. #1 by Beth on March 19, 2010 - 3:31 am

    we got a new-to-us car in october for the baby too. i thought we were being a bit previous but the hubby said that it was to protect me while pregnant too, so…..

    glad lily’s doing well. i’m sure she’ll get used to the pre-k.

  2. #2 by Catherine W on March 20, 2010 - 7:32 am

    As a fly on the wall type who seems to have produced (much against my wishes) another fly on the wall type, I hear you. I don’t know, I try really hard not be shy with other people around and smile and chat but there must be some kind of genetic flaw in my family. There are far worse things than being shy I know, but I don’t feel it has contributed much to my own sum of happiness. Perhaps that is why I view it as a ‘bad’ thing rather than simply a neutral character trait. Here’s hoping they’ll both grow out of it given time, maybe it’s just a phase.

    Love VW Passats!

  3. #3 by caholmes on March 22, 2010 - 8:47 am

    I know I’m responding to it like it’s a bad thing because it’s different from how I am but I really don’t think it’s bad. However, I do see your point and I have seen from watching my husband that it does hold a person back to some extent. The last thing I want to do, though, is make her self-conscious in addition to being shy. If she’s going to be shy, I want her to take pride in being unique in her own way.

    Beth – even Sweet|Salty Kate mentioned returning the minivan they bought in preparation for twins. I guess it’s common: http://www.sweetsalty.com/sweetsalty/2008/6/7/love-is-the-drug.html

  4. #4 by beth on April 7, 2010 - 12:36 pm

    just wanted to drop in and say hi. hope you are ok.

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