Olivia’s Mommy

Mother’s Day is over in 5 more minutes. We’re watching Inglorious Bastards, ate well, a lovely lunch and yummy pastries for dessert. A calm afternoon with a happy, productive husband.

But the day passed without a single mention of Olivia. Until I brought her up before the movie. Briefly. Tears stifled at the reply.

What should I have said, he asked.

Honestly I have no idea. I can’t put words to thoughts for anything. Yet I so strongly feel there should be something.

He eats like he was ravished, watches the movie with delightful curiosity, ignorant to anything hurtful in his words.

There was nothing hurtful meant, though. Yet I’m left remembering a child of mine who will never. She’ll just never. She will always be the reason Lily is introduced as my living child.

Nonetheless, it was a nice day. How is that possible?

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  1. #1 by Jeanette on May 10, 2010 - 3:48 am

    I don’t know how it’s possible, but it happens. x

  2. #2 by livemotionally on May 10, 2010 - 10:11 am

    I don’t mean to portray my husband as insensitive, by the way. He’s not; he’s just so steadfastly here in the real world where I can sometimes get myself all caught up in the world of what-ifs and should’ve beens. His having nothing to say is just a reflection of reality: Olivia is not here for me to mother, so what is there to say about that? Why would he remind me of her absence on an otherwise beautiful day? That’s just the shitty way it is.

  3. #3 by Sarah H on May 13, 2010 - 9:23 am

    I get the feeling of ‘never’. I had that this week too. Foster will just never. It hurts tremendously.

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