Ambition and Debauchery

So, people, somebody’s about to get ambitious up in here. It’s been a year since I’ve been in my new job, and even longer since I’ve had to interview for something,. I’m getting a big head and probably more than a little over confident, which is a good sign that I need to move somewhere more challenging. Working with people who are smarter and more experienced than I am keeps me on my toes.

I like feeling like I have to work to keep up. If I start feeling like I do now,which is almost completely uninspired, I stop trying so hard and the stinky stagnant sets in. I can literally feel myself weighing how far my reputation will take me while surfing the internet when I should be working on some boring project. I didn’t used to let myself drift that far but I’m catching myself more and more lately.

So I’m gonna apply for a position that will be a nice promotion and a good bit more responsibility. And respect…I hope. Though I feel pretty respected by my peers, I’m not so sure about the bosses. Mostly because I’m not getting paid near as much as most of the people I work with. They’ve all been there forever; I have significantly less experience. But with years of service comes years and years of growing complacency. And that’s where my opportunity comes in.

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Also, DMH and I went to the lake with 3 couples and a single this weekend and had the best time. We did an obscene amount of swimming, relaxing, laughing, drinking, peeing, singing, some-things-that-shall-not-be-named, and just generally whatever the fuck we wanted for almost three straight days. No children. No responsibilities. No false niceties. Just rude, obnoxious, funny-as-all-get-out friends we’ve known for 20 something years (holy shit we’re old).

Here’s my “best stuff to do on a drunken weekend at the lake with friends you’ve known forever” list:

• Best way to float in the water: legs stuck through an upside-down life jacket, zipped up front. Total water chair for drunk adults.
• Best, most least discussed part of getting drunk in the lake: Unabashed peeing.
• Best place to float: underneath the boat between the pontoons like some sort of secret, underwater club.
• Best thing to cook after fajita night if you don’t want to take home left-overs: everything nachos (and I mean everything – beans, chicken, steak, turkey sandwich meat, rice, hallucinogens, guacamole, sour cream, you name it)
• Best time to canoe: almost midnight
• Best time to skinny dip: not while your friends are having drunk sex by the moonlight

And my personal favorite:

• Best sign along the way: “Road Unsafe When Under Water”

Did I mention we were in Arkansas?

 

Not Exactly Scrapbooking…

…but pretty much.

I’ve been working on a scrapblog photo album for Lily since she was born. The initial idea was to do one for her first year of life, but I didn’t finish in time for her birthday. So I thought, I’ll do 2 years for her 2nd birthday but then I ran out of time again. This last minute time crunch has been happening for the past 5 years and it has always ended in failure. So, what do I do? I try again, because I’m no quitter…and I’m highly motivated by guilt.

Her 5th birthday is in 2 months and I plan to have 5 photo albums printed into books for her, come hell or high water. I think she’ll love them and I’m pretty determined to get them done this time. Which is why it’s after midnight and I just finished her 5th year. I’ll show you the others at a later date.

 

Things I Should Be Doing Right Now

Feeding my daughter some breakfast. I will say, though, if she would’ve eaten the eggs and hash browns that I fixed from scratch, she wouldn’t be hungry right now. I should also be checking on her while she fixes her own cheese sandwich. Update: she just came and showed me her creation. She chose shredded mozzarella instead of the American slices, of course.

Folding the clothes in the dryer so I can put the new load in when it’s done. I have a stackable washer/dryer combo and you can only wash or dry, not both at the same time. We did not realize this until it was purchased, picked up and completely installed in our house. Also, we built cabinets to fit around a stackable so we kind of screwed ourselves from the getgo.

Going to the grocery store for toilet paper. We literally have no paper products in the house that will work as a substitute for toilet paper. Yet, here I am, sitting on my laptop in my pajamas at 11:41 on a Sunday morning…drinking coffee…not buying toilet paper.

Calling my sister to explain why I probably won’t be visiting this summer.

Calling my friend to ask if she needs anything after being broken into while out of town. According to Facebook, she’s okay but if I were a better friend, I’d be on the phone with her right now. When she sees this, though, she’ll see that she’s not the only thing I’m procrastinating about, and perhaps she won’t be too upset.

Organizing photos on my scrapblog so I’ll have 4 complete albums for Lily’s 5th birthday.

Making the beds.

Painting my toenails.

Playing Hello Kitty Bingo with the kid.

Picking blueberries, then making a pie.

Reading Geek Love for my book club, though that book is over 10 years past its prime, I’m sure it will be a fine read…if I would just get started.

Sometimes just thinking about all the things I could be doing almost makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. I actually feel better. Still not doing anything, but don’t feel so bad about it. I think I’ll go stumble some more until someone forces me into action.

On Planning and Persuading

I haven’t had any real pressing news to share in awhile. Busy with work, thinking about selling our home, finding a new one, sending Lily to pre-school and everything in between (finished reading Poisonwood Bible this weekend – my favorite bible!). Not much time for mulling things over.

I’m going to be preparing Lily’s 4th birthday this week. Her birthday/party is Saturday and we can hardly wait. I love doing this for her. We’ve always had a nice party for her and it’s one of my favorite things to do as a mother. I pore over websites for theme/party ideas, stay up all night making cupcakes, mull over gifts for weeks and then just bask in her sweet, unaware face the entire party.

She’s not the most expressive child in unfamiliar situations so last year was interesting. She hardly smiled and watched curiously all the people around watching her. Like she never fully comprehended that we were all there to see her. Like she thought she was there to see us. I think she will get it a bit more this year. She’s been talking about it a lot. Today she told me she wants a birthday cake with a picture of our kitchen on it. I think she meant she wants lots of icing and that would take a lot of icing, I guess? I don’t know. Disect the 4 year old mind.

I was planning on buying cupcakes this year from a local bakery that is absolutely amazing and known for their cupcakes but dang if she doesn’t keep asking for a cake. Haven’t decided what I’ll do yet. Will I cave? Will I enforce the cupcake? I’m sure Dave will weigh in and save the day.

I’m planning to have quilts laid out around the yard with balloons tied to each corner, lights strung in the trees and flowers in old glass and plastic jars all over. I’m going with a “garden” theme, though Dave says I shouldn’t limit myself to one idea. Also summer’s almost over so it’s a little late for a full on garden thing. Though my big activity will be having them all plant their own plants to take home with them. I’m envisioning a big bowl of dirt, shovels , pots and plants for everyone.

Then all finger foods, punch, (cup)cake(s) and home-made ice cream.

Anyway, I’m super excited and plan to post pics after.

Also, I ordered myself a Kindle today, at Dave’s insistence. I’m so glad he’s so persuasive that I am worth it and a gift like this is long over due! My birthday’s next month, anyway, so it’ll be my birthday present. I cannot wait until it arrives.

All About Me

I’m not sure if this requires an explanation but…I’ve said all along that the one thing Olivia has given me that will not be taken away is the desire to make things better. She’s given me the will and the heart to take control of my life and turn it into what I’ve always dreamed of. For myself…for my daughter…for my husband…for my future children…

So, I’ve written a mission statement, posted it on my wall and saved it in my phone so I can read it anytime I need focus.

I will be the type of wife and mother who supports without attempting to control. I will treat my husband as my equal and my daughter as her own person, not an extension of myself. I will serve my family by cooking for them, planning fulfilling activities with them on a regular basis and organizing our home in a way that allows everyone in our family to focus on obtaining happiness with clear minds. I will teach Lily how to think for herself and develop her own set of principles; I will help her develop her own script and to avoid relying on whatever default she is given by us or her environment.

I will work with the following characteristics in every situation: integrity, honesty, reliability, creativity, enthusiasm. I will make sure my work does not interfere with my personal life.

When it comes to our possessions, I will buy quality items we can afford and that are worth taking care of for years to come. I won’t forget that all things can be replaced; lives cannot.

I will strive to find joy in every situation – or at least look for the silver lining. And I won’t forget about the importance of physical closeness with my husband.

I will be open to friendships outside of my relationship with David by returning phone calls as well as kindness. I will look into people’s hearts for their sincerity and reflect that in my own heart. I will seek to understand differing opinions without judgment.

I will look for and be open to opportunities to provide service and contribute to my community; to show Lily that community service is an obligation, not just a nice thing to do.

Above all, I will remember that I deserve no more or no less than anyone else. Working with others is the best way to achieve common goals.

I will live my life according to these principles which are solid, do not fluctuate and cannot be violated. I will strive to live by them in all I do.

It’s actually quite a process coming up with a comprehensive list of everything meaningful in your life and then simmering it down until there’s no more liquid and you’re left with a rich, shimmering pan of thick, yummy goodness. I’m sharing because I believe when you say something out loud, it has more chance of coming true. Sort of like the stories we tell, or the ones we’ve been telling for so long we can’t remember if they’re actual memories or just pictures we’ve turned into stories, or stories we’ve heard that we think we remember. It’s all a blur the older I get.

What would you put in your mission statement?